Okay. This is it. I’ve had it. My patience has been stretched to the limits of the known Universe. My boat, Spalax 2, has been cooped up for the past year in New Caledonia because of the virus and I can’t continue my global circumnavigation. What’s worse, a few days ago New Caledonia has yet again gone into total lockdown.
Here is my ultimatum: Corona, either you go away PDQ, or I will. I’m going on a hunger strike!
But seriously, folks. I’m not on a hunger strike. I’ve just been fasting for the past five days and I feel terrific. My mind is like a razor, my eye is like an eagle’s and my senses are stripped bare.
Fasting is just another way of combating lockdown boredom. I’ve done it before, so I knew what to expect. The first day is tough. The second day is even tougher. But if you make it to the end of the third day, you’re home free: The sensation of hunger disappears; the feeling of wellbeing returns.
And how do you do it? Just replace all your meals with beverages such as artificially sweetened Assam tea, salt-and-pepper tomato juice, clear bullion soup, orange juice and multivitamin juice; take long walks in the park and short bicycle trips in the forest, do Pranayama exercises and in the process loose a couple of kilos of excess body weight.
… and have a Cohiba Madura, of course.